This is probably true to most people reading this but I feel really really uncomfortable when I am dancing with someone and I feel that she is not enjoying the dance. It happened to me this sunday. From the start of the tanda, I felt she was bored, unchallenged, waiting for the end of the tanda, just wishing it ended. Needless to say that I went back to my seat (after escorting her to her seat) with a low moral... The milonga went past and I was just dragging myself on the dancefloor. Then I had a dance with someone I love to dance with and my energy came back to me - we danced three tandas. I had a few more dances that brought my self confidence up. Towards the very end of the milonga, when there were only a handful of people on the floor she was seating and I gathered courage and thought, "I'm going to make up for it". I cabeceoed her. When I went to meet her she told me "I thought you would never ask me for another tanda! The previous one was great!"
Does this happen to you very often?
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
The wrong message
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The same happens to me with certain leaders, over and over. I could swear that I am too tense with them, that for whatever reason I can't relax and always mess things up ... but they keep coming back for dances! I'm just as baffled as you are.
I think it's one of those things like in tests/exams, when you think you've done well, often, you haven't. Whereas when you think you've done badly, it turns out you've done well. Some people just have a moody face when they're not actually moody. And some may seem happy and smiley but inside they could be really angry or sad.
Of course, it helps when the community is open to women asking men to dance, in which case the lady you danced with may have been compelled to ask you to dance later on.
Well done for trying again though. You should never give up. Though, if she had actually been dissatisfied as you had speculated, then she would have got annoyed, but oral communication prior to another potential dance may help.
I'm beginning to believe that we as leaders (I) read too much into the subtleties of a dance with a particular follower. I think unless it's an obvious/glaring issue, that we (I) need to just dance more, and not think so much. If, after several tandas or several milongas, dancing with a particular follower has a trend of being truly unpleasant, then that's something different.
Well, if the follower had made the comment that she enjoyed the tanda at the end of the first tanda, then second tanda would have probably come sooner...
KR, the short answer is "Yes". It happens to everyone.
Having something to do with judging a book by its cover? The only thing we can be sure of is how WE feel.
Hi moderntanguera, I understand you, in fact, I do believe that I dance less well because of that feeling...
supantheress, does my dance changes when I am not enjoying it? i think it does but you are probably a better person to say that.
alex, you've just hit the million dollar answer we have to think less and dance more. easier said than done.
Oh yes David, but the problem is when inside they enjoyed it but you perceived it as she not enjoying it. Then how can you know about what she REALLY thinks?
Johanna, you're absolutely right. But when I can't sense what my partner feels, is there a connection there, even if the dance is perfect?
It's very challenging KR. But we cannot be all things to all people. We can only be the best we can be, and be in the moment. Even if it doesn't always work out.
As long as we are respectful and give our best, there is nothing more we can do.
And yes, I can SOOOO tell when a lead is "phoning it in". I usually say "thank you" after the second song.
I've felt it, when it looks like the followers aren't enjoying it... I find it's hard to read some people, and I have a problem trusting anyone if the the visual cues don't match what they say.
I think leaders are very sensitive to it because of the nature of the leader role...
I can seem a little solemn when I'm concentrating, so I try to give people a big smile in between tracks.
and that makes ALL the difference, msHedgehog!
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