I have seen far too many posts of women complaining that some man only (or mostly) invite single women to dance. The first assumption is that those men simply want a bit more than a dance, they want a fling, a one night stand, something along those lines...
While I am absolutely certain that in lots of occasions that is the case I would like to point out that some men don't feel confident to ask women around when they have a partner. It happened to me many times. A good follower comes around, I want to ask her to dance but she is dancing with her partner and in the few moments they are not dancing they are observing or talking to each other. Hey, I can't explain it, but it's definitely easier to invite a girl that is alone (and had no one to dance anyway) than someone who comes "sheltered" by a pair.
I have also noticed that it has happened to my partner as well. We go to an unknown milonga and she gets much less dances than when she goes on her own. It is certainly not because the lack of abilities as I find that she is usually well above the average wherever she goes. We don't give any particular signs that we do not want people to come and ask for a dance.
I don't really know how to circumvent this problem. What I want the general female public to be aware is that we man have to do quite a hard task, to take initiative and ask for a dance. Shades of grey do exist in the tango world.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Life is not black and white. And neither is tango!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
Hum, not too good news for us ladies. But we already knew it... :P
Hi La Tanguera:
Well, it doesn't look like many women are aware (or think about this) whenever I read a post blaming men for not inviting followers who come with a partner. And there have been many!
Indeed.
*nod nod*
Most couples don't seem to mind being asked by others, or in fact they are chuffed about it, but I have come across couples where one is or both of them are very protective of the other. When you know them it's quite easy to tell but when you don't, it's not easy to figure out which sort they are... I suppose...
Oh and I think maybe, if the man of the couple is proactive in asking other ladies in the room to dance then you can take that as a sign that the woman of the couple is available to be asked by other men!! Unless the man looks particularly aggressive...
So, my message to those men who have partners is to actively ask other ladies to dance (of course you have to take care of your partner as well!!) so that other men feel it's OK to ask his partner!!
This is a very useful subject for discussion. i am married, to a wonderful guy who dances tango. Because we are known in our community, people understand that we dance about half the time or more, with other partners. But in a different place, if we are sitting cozy together, of course it is unlikely and probably socially correct, if no one asks me. But when my partner is off dancing, or we are milling about in other parts of the room, then others will ask. I consider myself really fortunate to have man to dance with in any case, and one to go home with! He would not leave me sitting for long, because he is considerate of my feelings. I have another feeling about this. which is that I have been sharing him with the single girls for a long time, and it just seems that sometimes they (singles) ought to bring another lead to the party, and should make an effort to even things out.
Now, in Argentina, different story. I dance a lot there too, because now I have some friends and partners to meet with. But it is clear, that I am married, and that is understood. Not everyone is out for sex, although I understand the appeal. Some of us go there to dance.
Hi elizabeth!
Yeah, absolutely with you, some of us also go there to dance! ;o) And definitely, having a relaxed and open attitude helps, although it does more on the long term. I guess that cabeceo overcomes all of that, but, humpf, people keep ignoring cabeceo...
I've been dancing 3-4 years. Today a follower asked me something I've never been asked before. She asked me to dance slower. She's only been dancing a couple of weeks. I didn't reply other than say "he puts fast music on sometimes" .. but I have not been able to stop thinking .. what was the correct thing to do - slow down to be out of the music or keep in the music so that the follower gets used to the speed of normal pieces (it was a class, not a milonga).
I ask because the question touches on the balance of power between leader and follower.
Hy anonymous:
As a tanguero that I very much respect once told me, "you learn tango with the followers". and nothing could be nearer the truth!
I'd say dance SLOWER WITH the music. You can always take double or quadruple time of the music. Even milongas. It requires much more concentration and balance when it's slower and it reveals all the flaws that you wouldn't see when it's danced faster. It's a really good exercise and it gives you time to think as well. Yes, learn from the followers. If the followers don't like the way you dance, or don't understand how you move, regardless of the level of the follower, then what's the point in the phrase, "it takes two to tango"?
Post a Comment